I just made out with a guy for $7.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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