SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
