i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
