I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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