Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
