so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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