i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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