got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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