Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
