Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
