Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
