kristin has been a bad kristin
I hope mine doesn't look like that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
