Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I checked into jail on foursquare
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
