I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
did you just send me my own nude
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
