I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
