he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
