there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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