The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
