toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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