When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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