I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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