So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
