bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
