WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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