This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
