Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
