You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
