my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
