remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
