6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
