One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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