hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
