the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
