I need help removing her.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
