I looked at my own cervix.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
