i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
