those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
