she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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