My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
