did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
