i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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