I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
