I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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