I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
