You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
