Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
