Will you blow on my dice?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
