And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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