You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
