No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
