You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
