shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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