apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
