Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
