things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
