this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
