Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All the doctor said was why
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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